tonight’s meditation was highly charged with so much vibrancy, so much electricity, such power & energy that afterward the sky was alight with thunder, the air suffused with that sweet smell of ozone, of rain-water on dark dirt and white roses, of the sea itself swimming in the soft winds.
yeah, that good.
meanwhile, I’ve been buzzing all day with excitement because tomorrow it’s off to the desert for three days! (meanwhile, I’m also noticing the electrifying charge of the rose quartz cabochon I received from a yogini friend who came upon it in thailand— she was not kidding about its power.)
all is alive!
back to meditation: because I’d enjoyed a raja yoga practice beforehand, my body was pulsing with so much heat I did not need a blanket, and the deeper my awareness became, the more warmth I felt myself generating— such lovely fire. by the time michael came around to send blessings into our skulls from his hands, I felt damn near hit by lightning. anahata scorched with love, almost. smile ecstatic, burned out on bliss, that euphoria of witness consciousness, of the dissolution of even that into cosmic consciousness, yes, this is it:
my small self, in happiest awe, repeating over and over again it’s love! it’s love! it’s love! it’s love! while, meanwhile, my true self softened into that truth, that consciousness, and that bliss. this the sole form of self— then, now, and always. and yet, at the same time, the holy mysteries of the body: the hot blood coursing in its red currents, its charged particles carrying prana from the deep breath of the lungs into every opening inside. even the bones alive, the marrow thrumming in each pink hull, the brain in its sweet cradle sleeping but for a hum at the helm: yes, this you that I love, this I that you love, here in our heads, in its dreams within a dream, that is this love embodied.
yes. I’m ready now.
yin yoga has been such a beautiful addition to my practice! I’ve known for some time that I need a more passive, receptive ritual; that at least once a week I need to slow down & open up into the realms of my own emotions, which are so intense and so magnificent (who knew!) that, each time, in each pose, I can find totally new reasons to cry:
- in adho mukha bhekasana, because I could feel my heart pressing into the earth/ could feel her heart pulsing into mine
- in uttan pristhasana, because the woman next to me was crying, and because I could hear maral & her anusara students chant the invocation with harmonium next door, and in that moment I felt so much love for every beacon of light & consciousness in this blessed kula
- in malasana, feeling connected to all beings like petals strung on a garland
- in savasana, because it’s savasana
what I am loving about this particular kind of asana practice is the absolute release, the letting go and letting be and letting happen of it all— instead of muscular energy, of yang, there is only surrender, only submission. but is this not a kind of power, too? (it definitely takes much more mental strength, for me.) is this not a fuller expression of each becoming, each incarnation of perfect asana? five minutes becomes infinity, yes— but what a lovely way to pass the time.
namaste! I am happy too
it is such a beautiful surprise when laura & bhava teach together— this week, they shared a story with us, some recent news from the ashram, which sits directly at the feet of ma ganga, that holy river. they told us about the massive shiva statue so widely revered & treasured, there, over the years. well, the ganges has flooded so fully that ma has swept her shiva off his pedestal— re-uniting that pure light of consciousness with the divine energy of Her, of shakti, bringing that timeless union to all beings downstream, and into all oceans of the world. and so, though they have lost their idol (all is fleeting after all), we can all rejoice in this beautiful vision of union.
anyway, the class was wonderful, laura leading us into our surya namaskara, into our viras & trikonasana, into parivrtta trikonasana, into sweet binds & gentle folds, and finally sarvangasana; bhava playing the most beautiful kirtan-style mantra music (baba hanuman! sri krishna govinda! jai ma ganga!); the two of them, in their love, so beautiful, and so giving of all of themselves to this practice that brings us here on the daily: to this love, to this union, to 11:11:11, always one—
she anointed my sahasrara & ajna with lavender. they opened, deepened, into that great cosmic love—
shiva and shakti united— that’s yoga, no?
Sky empty and luminous
beyond all attachments,
Me, the setting sun
resplendent with light,
Will not remain at all.
I pass behind the western summit
To reappear again soon,
Above the mountains of the east.
last night we shared a lovely hot— almost pyretic— hatha practice with maral, who is quickly becoming one of my very best teachers. lisa was so kind to introduce me to her kula at pilgrimage of the heart, and in that late summer evening heat that’s exactly what it felt like, in that sultry room. a pilgrimage of the heart!
and it came back smiling.
we chanted the names of god we invoked also through our heat & sweat, in ninety minutes of the most basic poses explored to such depths it surely lit a fire under every one of our muscles. but somewhere in all that burning I felt my chest break open to reveal my heart, felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders, felt it replaced by the light of love, then of song.
god I love her harmonium. and that voice.
the heart is home.
Lalla discarded her books that told
about it, and through meditation
saw the truth that never comes
to anyone from reading words.” —Lalleshwari
Coursing in emptiness,
dropped off body and mind,
and stepped into the Secret Self.
Look: Lalla the sedgeflower
blossomed a lotus.
Playfully, you hid from me.
All day I looked.
Then I discovered
I was you,
and the celebration
of That began.
tonight, in celebration of these celestial events, and after a string of beautiful dynamic & solar vinyasa practices, I surrendered to a much-needed, deeper & darker lunar yin yoga with nan. together with the beautiful yogis of la jolla, with whom I share interstellar (and intrastellar!) explorations in meditation and the star-powered flow of heat & light in daily practice, I experienced some of the deepest intensity yet (wholly unexpected):
in yin yoga, each pose is timed & held for five minutes. it seems that in most westernized yoga styles, with a basic foundation in asana most students can achieve almost any position quite easily— because in one breath, or a small number of breaths, they’ll get to release into something else. but how often is there enough time to really release into each pose? this is a much greater challenge. a simple utthan pristhasana twist, a lovely eka pada kapotasana hugging a bolster, and— my personal favorite of tonight— a gomukhasana fold, at first felt like the delicious stretches they normally are. but oh! after three minutes! there are tears, there are whimpers, even moans— all finally dissolving into that wonderful breath of the everything—
after a savasana buoyed by the most lovely patanjali-inspired thoughts on autumn light, nan released us into a night shining cold like the moon, and yes, the actual moon so bright, buoyant, dolorous & my heart so full— so open, down into my hips— that in moments I felt all joy & sadness in the world enter me, all emotion so high & pure I began to cry, and cry, and cry, deeply, openly, on the way home, with my tears running down my neck to wet the front of my shirt, unable to remember why but knowing it was nothing & everything at all— the love all around us buoying us in every moment of our short time here on this planet, and the complete devotion & surrender we must all feel when we look into the face of another, or the face of the moon, or the face of our loved ones in our heart’s clear eye. wow.
releasing what no longer serves us, what no longer serves our highest good— yes, shedding those leaves, bright as they are in death, so we can draw into ourselves, undo the outer layers & fold into the light that lives beneath. just, wow.