meditation nook complete— all blue evening light & the powerful pines right out my window
the air here as sweet & soft as the smells of the grass & the creek it carries
climbing through the chaparral & creosote, following animal tracks into the warm embrace of an old burrow that leaks the light through the leaves, burning sweet as foxfire
scheming & dreaming: of big sur (next week!), of colorado, of sedona, of montana, of walking the earth while the walking’s good and of the great island up north where I learned to love the cool breath of the ferns & mosses and the scent of the red bark in the afternoon shade
heading back to the city for the last intensive of my teacher training— gonna enjoy each precious moment together with my kula— and monday it’s off to the mountains for my birthday. home next week— I love you all!
love you! you radiate so much wonderful light and love from simply your blog, so I know that your actual being is so much more wonderful. You're one of my favorites on my dashboard. Namaste and Hello!
you are so sweet, tatiana! so much love to you this morning— it’s 11:11!
oh wow, that anon that expressed their fear is exactly how i've felt lately...
have you had experience astral projecting before? my friend guided me but i wasn't able to let go but i also feel in my heart how i have no reason to be afraid i still get paranoid though. x
astral projection is a really interesting phenomenon but I probably wouldn’t want to make it a regular practice. imho, the heart just wants to come home to itself, not leave yr body. if you can really let go in meditation, though, the heart becomes so expanded that it definitely feels like you’re way way way beyond the boundaries of self, but you’re still grounded in the clear vessel of yr physical being, a container for more light than you could ever see with your eyes— for the first time really inhabiting this body which is so intelligently designed to achieve this exact purpose. no need to go anywhere else, because you’re already everything.
hola! i have a question - how do you release your fear? there are things that i want, things inside of me that i know will connect me to my greater good & allow me to resonate with the universe (not to sound cheesy) but i'm SCARED to explore them. i find myself caught up in the pursuit of security, approval of others & just general anxiety about being a disappointment or "messing up my life". any suggestions about how to move forward from hereare much appreciated :)
hola! thank you for entrusting me with your question. I think you are already moving forward, gaining speed now towards your unfolding dharma. the key is going to be your surrender— of your mind to your heart, of your life to the divine, of all of your fears & anxieties to the infinite well of joy that lives beneath them and within every little thing in this world and that. nobody but you can incite this release, though. but it sounds like you’re so ready, so don’t hold yrself back.
first, most obviously: when you’re scared to do something even though your heart knows it’s right— do it anyway! always!
there’s no such thing as security— nothing to hold onto. how freeing is that? life breathes through us all so briefly, and whispers through our hearts ways to make each day an act of courage and love
people will admire you for this, even if they never admit it to you. if they don’t understand the necessity of following your heart to a truer path, don’t seek their approval— they’re suffering with their own stuff, so give them compassion.
please please please don’t live your life in fear of ‘messing up your life.’ there isn’t a way to mess up your life (not knowing the divine plan, who are we to decide?) but there is a way to live in fear and regret. please don’t! trust this wild spirit of yours and take a leap, or however many leaps it will take until you don’t feel so afraid. you won’t disappoint anyone who hasn’t already disappointed themselves. I promise.
I think you are so brave— it shows in the way you admitted how scared you are. spend some time connecting to this bravery, courage, and power I know you have within you. this force is called Durga— you can envision her fierce beauty atop a sleek, strong tiger, kicking ass and taking names. that’s you. you can chant om dum durgayei namaha (out loud or silently) whenever your small self gives you trouble— nothing like mantra to harness the mind and its fears, and nothing like that mantra to fortify & empower a beautiful soul like yours.
I also urge you to begin a regular meditation practice. you’ll be a silent witness to your life aligning itself in the most beautiful ways to serve the will of the divine. and that’s the best suggestion I have.
Hello, hello! How old are you? I'm 20. I remember back to your post of "moving to a sweet country home on four wildly beautiful acres with a creek & fruit trees of all kinds & chickens & some absolutely radiant-hearted folks." I feel so unconnected from my current living situation/society. It leaves me fretting over career, money, and all sorts of trifle things. I yearn for a simpler, more fulfilling life- connected with nature, with true life all around me (I hear my Emerson-ian side showing...). How did you find a living situation like this? I want change, but don't know where to begin...
girl, all you gotta do is put out the intention, and it will be manifest! I’d been frustrated with urban living for a long time, but the last time I went out to the desert to be home in the wild world, I had a breakdown coming back to the city. it was incredibly painful to return to the pollution, the arteries of cement & steel, the hive mind & the suffering all around. it felt completely post-apocalyptic & I couldn’t even breathe the air, let alone connect to earth, silence, and god.
and I knew a change was brewing. it was really like I saw myself as a hermit crab prying myself out of this tiny little shell that had become constricting, feeling naked & homeless, and finally setting sights on a beautiful new shell that was big enough to grow into. literally the day after I announced my intentions of leaving my current situation, I found out my friend/coworker was moving to washington and needed to find someone to fill his space at this beautiful communal home up north !!
I’m 24, by the way, not that it matters— I was talking about wanting to move out to the countryside & breathe with the trees & sing with the birds when I was 20, too. I just took a really roundabout way getting here (finished school, lived in spain, traveled across the country, etc). but you can always make radical changes to yr life. when you start to hear the whisper of yr heart telling you what’s right & what isn’t, you have to listen and you have to trust. it’s how everything beautiful begins <3
for being so absent without leaving. I’m putting my belongings in small boxes & moving north. I’ll be home, soon, and write to you in pretty words about the light, the heat, the slow dance of the rabbits there and the coyotes’ deep-sweet song, the arc of the stars & the dark embrace of the soft-white cloud in which we all spin in our milky way, in our comings & goings always home—
“Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation. Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again – the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world’s greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman. With or without a belief in God, all kisses are metaphors decipherable by allocations of time, circumstance, and understanding.”—Saul Williams
with one week to go before I make my new home in the wooded hills to the north, I am enjoying the gloom of the june coast while I can. so! this morning we practiced for three hours in the cold wind coming off the bay, the mist of the marine layer thick around our heads.
when I teach now I never practice alongside— I sit, I gesture; I walk over & touch; I give the sweet weight of my body through my open palms into a body in balasana, folding her heart deeper into the heart of mama earth; gently spreading a shoulder away from a hip in jathara parivartanasana, allowing an opening within; giving blessings in moments of silence for the thisness and the isness of things;
for the wild rabbit who joined our practice, curious at our shapes, our soft tones;
for the clover and the simple grass, and the wild movements of the air, and the heavy bleakness of clouds as dark as the sea and as beautiful;
a thing most new complete fragile intense,
which wholly trembling memory undertakes
- your kiss, the little pushings of flesh,makes
my body sorry when the minute moon
is a remarkable splinter in the quick
…or if sunsets utters one
unhurried muscled huge chromatic
fist skilfully modeling silence
— to feel how through the stopped entire day
horribly and seriously thrills
the moment of enthusiastic space
is a little wonderful, and say
Perhaps her body touched me; and to face
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where “I” does not exist, nor “you,”
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.
dearest light beam!
where did you find that beautiful elephant? it's smile, and pose are perfect! is it always there? i need to see this in person!
dear moon beam,
I do believe it’s a mammoth! you can find it, its friends, and other strange creatures (including an eagle that’s somehow the largest sculpture of them all) in borrego springs, ca.
confidential to you, elephantnotes: I’ve just gotten home from group meditation, and my small self is still swimming in some pretty sattvic sweetness, so I had no idea what you were talking about for a good five minutes. I finally figured you were referring to a conversation I had earlier today with a friend, and our insight about our beloved ganesha & shiva & the rest of the pantheon being manifestations of the emissions of energy of nearby galaxies! so, my answer was going to be, I found our beautiful lord ganesha in meditation! and yes, what a perfect smile. and yes, he is always there! and yes, you do need to see this in person :)
“It is time, love, to break off that sombre rose,
shut up the stars and bury the ash in the earth;
and, in the rising of the light, wake with those who awoke
or go on in the dream, reaching the other shore of the sea which has no other shore.”—Pablo Neruda